Hi, I’m Ginger and I'm 20. I've had an eating disorder since I was 12, but my family has no idea. I have depression and I suffer from PTSD thanks to my abusive father, I self harm and have major anxiety. I grew up in an abusive home because of my father. Sometimes physical, emotional, verbal, and mental abuse, He is a narcissist etc. I thought it was perfectly normal to have a dad who never wanted you, who never wanted to do things with his kids, always too busy for his kids and wife, to tell you that you’re fat, etc. Things got worse in 2007 when my father cheated on my mom after 22 years of marriage. He no longer lives here as of the summer of 2007. For the past four years my mom, my 13 year old brother, and I have dealt with my father’s mental, verbal, emotional abuse, stalking, threats, and being run off the road, etc. My father is psychotic if you haven’t already figured that out. The divorce just now happened in March of 2011, but he got away with murder. All because Florida is a no fault state {which means it doesn’t matter if you cheat, which is STUPID}



He played/still plays mind games with my mom who loved {and still loves him though she should just move on} and told her that she could bring her home if she wanted. That she had the “magic wand” to do so. Blah blah blah, Personally I would have kicked him/divorced him/took him for all he’s got the minute he took his whore to my parents honeymoon hotel. Yes, I’m serious. He still won’t admit that he cheated/has cheated {EVEN THOUGH my mom caught him, the pictures, people seen him about with her and her family, I’ve seen him, and that they have access to his house. I went over to his house for the first time in December. I just drove myself over to prove that he was cheating.} My mother still won’t believe it. Don’t know why. Ignorance, stupidity, I don’t know. I often get the blame for him not coming back home because I’m rude to him, I’m mean to him, I no longer talk to him, I refuse to put up with his shit anymore, etc. So I get most of the hits when Moms upset. I'm basically a punching bag. My mother is abusive verbally and emotionally. Blamed for every little thing, yelled at, telling me I’m fat, telling me I’m selfish and ungrateful, that I’m just like my father, etc.


So now it's just me, my mom, and my little brother {he's 13}, but my father still is in our lives..er their lives. Now that I'm 18 I refuse to have any contact with him. I refuse to let him hurt me anymore. For the past four years I've tried to support what's left of my family. I took on the role of the adult at 14. I took care of my little brother and my mom. I casted myself in the role as the strong one because someone had to do it. In the end it just screwed me up more and has left me to fight the inner demons by myself.
I want to reach out and ask for help, but the demons and the role I played for so long won't let me. So instead I suffer in silence.

But yeah, I’m Ginger, I love music {Especially Evanescence}, I’m trying to get past this damage, but I don't know how.

This is blog is the only way I have to express how I feel, I’m a Witch, I believe in karma, I don't believe in true love{probably because I've only known abuse and associate love with abuse}, but I support people who do, I have a slight fear of boys/men because I'm used to them hurting me, I love animals, I love my friends. Because without my friends I would have been dead years ago, though the thought still crosses my mind a lot. Feel free to message me.

Disorder	Your Score
Major Depression:	Extremely High
Dysthymia:	Very High
Bipolar Disorder:	Slight-Moderate
Cyclothymia:	High-Moderate
Seasonal Affective Disorder:	Moderate
Postpartum Depression:	N/A
Take the Depression Test

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